Dear Readers

heyya people who ever liked the story especially! i would like to have an review about the story and would like to know that how many people are interested to know more about the story how it ends and all? or they want a new story a little totally different idea of love and imaginative expression of love life and experiences?

I would like to have your opinion on what you want to read about in my way of writing and expressing in little rusty English with small small grammatical errors that what my friends tell me about it!

Dedication

As all authors write a story and end it with the happy ending to please the readers, but I m sorry, I am not an author, nor this is a story.


Sonia I don’t know you well, I am sorry I don’t have any mutual friends between; you would have known how I felt about you and what had been created between us.

I wanted to be that guy!
I wanted to be the one.
I wanted to be the one who holds your side when every other person is against you!
I wanted to be the one who wipes off the tear droplets rolling down your face!
I wanted to be the one who becomes a joker for you and makes your lips smile!
I wanted to be the one who spends every other rupee in his pocket for you!
I wanted to be the one who would sell anything to get you anything!
I wanted to be the one who would stand for hours just to see!
I wanted to be the one who would hold your hand till it sweats!
I wanted to be the one who would sleep off with the phone expecting your message!
I wanted to be the one who………………………………

I don’t know I can continue writing and would have come up with a happy ending.
But this wasn’t for anyone but you.
I know you come and visit this blog every three days, and expect for a new post.
I know I wouldn’t have either spoken about this topic whenever I called you.
Well I don’t know, you must be speechless or afraid or scared or feeling awkward to speak off.
I just wanted you to be realized what you lost in the mist of your life.

I love you
Yours Roy.


Well don’t worry, have fun life is short, I was just bored, so started something new for time pass, but do tell me, how was it?

The ENd

Love On 8

Day 5
Got up early morning, seen my early messages in my cell phone getting the feeling that I missed by someone far, had made my morning better as someone do cared about me in a special way. Well the day wasn’t that bad though, it was Monday so had to go to the college, as it is was boring in class.
As I was desperate to talk to her, I started thinking about her how did she actually look, thinking what will happen when we meet……….

I called her up at the time of sunset, that day her mood was a little off! I didn’t about it. I started talking rubbish and she told me to stop and told she will talk later.

At night I got her call around 11pm she was at the terrace and talking to me, she said sorry and told that her mood was off at noon, and shared a little laugh with me. Yeah I m good at it, I can make people laugh very well even if I m the fool. She went into a serious mood and told me about one of her problems and she went absolute quite…..

She wept herself and I got the noise that she was crying.

I tried to console her and tell every family has problem, and we have to deal with it with courage and by being brave we can help our family to prosper more, I couldn’t sing a song to her so I played a song and let her hear it. I guess that made up her mood. With the bye we concluded our small chat and slept away

Day 6
I had an odd holiday on Tuesday, messaged her around 10 in the morning, she told me to call her. So I did,

R: hey where are you?
S: I m in a bus to college

R: so how are you feeling after last night are you OK?
S: yea thanks for asking?

Then she told me to hold and then got down of the buss and we talked all the way till her class reached.
Then I said to keep the phone down and I will call her later at night.

At 10 called her up and spoke with her awhile then I couldn’t resist telling her that I liked her however she may be.
She wasn’t blanked faced after listening she took it casually and replied that she liked me too hopefully it didn’t end in awkward position.

And then done a little sweet talk and slept off.

Day 7
Being a thought of being liked made me curious that if we like each other, what the stupid thing we should do next,
So got out and enjoyed with my friends being in a pressure of practical’s and things mattering in student’s life we took a day off and went out and enjoyed a bit.

Well I was missing her and wanted to meet her plus be little forward and get our friendship another step being in a relationship.

Well I loved her a lot. But was afraid to tell, coz you know loving someone you haven’t seen is risky, I m not going on the looks and stuff.
But if see the phone and net cant connect two people together, there’s a little chemistry which builds up with the body language, the eye contact, the touch, the voice, the reaction, the expressions, do matter in starting a relationship.

The day ended up wasteful thought process.

Day 8
Well it was 8th of January, and my mind used to thing that it has been my lucky day along the months; every 8th day of a month has been a lucky day for me.

Everything remaining has been said about this day!

Love on 8

Day1
It was January 1st a new year. I got a gift a new cell phone my mum gifted to me saying your first new cell phone. Though I had a cell phone, which was my mum’s older one. I started adding everyone’s contact no. Showed off my new cell to my friends and played with it like a small kid.
After adding everyone at afternoon I was bugged, then I usually do this stuff like I check my contact list from downwards whom should I call and bug. While doing that something struck me about a girl whom I recently made friendship, thought of her in other way, it was like I had never seen a person and been a friend even shared a mobile no. In that second my mobile screamed ‘twee twee you got a message’ it was Sonia. Usually I never got opportunity to talk to a total stranger who wanted to talk to me, you first question rises up what topic should we start with, or should go with the usual stuff asking about her hobbies, which school, whom does she lives with.

I shook my head and called her up around 7pm, wished her Happy New Year and ask her usual stuff. Her hobby was to sleep, her favorite color was red and black, and she had a brother and lived with parents. I said my usual stuff and ended the conversation.
I wonder why a girl would talked so good for no reason, at least to a stranger was my name that good ROY.
She had a sweet voice though; any guy would want to talk to her. I was never seriously getting into her. Like a casual talk any stranger to stranger. I slept of happily with new cell phone.

Day 2
After college hours, sleeping on my bed at home. Got up at 6 and started completing journal as the submissions were coming near. Having no Girlfriend felt at that very moment, writing up notes were the only thing you would do if u don’t want to think anything and just work.
I didn’t know how to flirt or to talk about the mushy stuff with girls. I was very concern what the girl might think at that time. I used to talk really good, and I was a really good listener and relate stuff.
I called up Sonia making her feel that I m too interested to talk to her. I had nothing to say I started with asking how was her day and how did she spend it?
I listened to her generously; I didn’t know was it a smart move or a stupid but I asked her astonishingly about her having a boyfriend. She replied no and asked me about having a girlfriend. A sudden silence jumped in, I didn’t know what to say. Suddenly I popped out a question about this thing which I was concerned about, I asked her why did she gave no. to an unknown person like me, she answered that she was bit worried before but later she found me as a good person and having a little chat won’t bother her. I was happy I had a compliment that day.
We said bye TTYL and kept the phone.
That day as a good friend I messaged her at night saying goodnight and sweet dreams. In reply I got the same with a smiley.

Day3
After getting ready in the early morning, thought of her and messaged her good morning and have a nice day with.I got a bit late reply saying she got up late that morning and wrote have a nice day to you to. I didn’t know what had got into me but I had to message her early in the morning at 6 o’clock.
In the practical’s at school I told about Sonia to one of my friends and said that I like her a or I don’t, I was confused so for a suggestion told him the whole story, he laughed at me telling a cyber girl would be ugly for sure and maybe she is too sad, or doesn’t have any friends at all, or maybe she wants to rob you, otherwise loot you. I ignored everything he said, I knew in her voice I could see the truthfulness even though I had never see her.
Came back at home, lying on bed made me think more about her would she be ugly would she be handicap and have no friends at all, is it real or just sum guy and girl planning to rob me.
I couldn’t ask her directly ‘How do you look’ nor as in ‘are you good looking’

So I took the help of sms as in sending message would be safe.

R: hey
S: hi

R: hw r u?
S: i m fyn hws u?

R: i m good
S: hw was ur day?

R:boring urs?
S:went good had pani puri was just awesum

R:ohh kuul so tel me you ever been in any relationship earlier
S:yea I had a bf in 10th grade I had a break up, was a sad one, let’s not talk about it! plz wad abt yu ?

R:I m srry abt tht , nah I hav been single that doesn’t mean I am a jerk I had proposals just didn’t got the rite one
S:you don’t know nothing in my class there is no guy who didn’t proposed me, like every other guy has asked me out frm last year

R:you must be the hottest girl around then
S:I don’t usually flatter myself people think that I hav lot of attitude and a bitchy girl

R: whats your best feature ?
S: my hair

R:whats your height ?
S:170 urs

R:176
S: tall enough haan

R: thnx Chal I gtg buh bye
S: even me gtg for dinner ttyl bye


Day4
Early morning same routine send her an message, then going to college.
Had chat with my friend and proved him wrong I was happy that my stupid haunting thoughts were cleared out, that doesn’t makes me a bad guy by thinking that stuff cause you there have been cases like that, so I was worried but I wasn’t cleared out entirely. As I didn’t know she was saying the truth.
Lately called her up, we had a long chat on normal events going on like hating to watch television serials, then about food, her friends and mine, how funny they are and stuff, future plans about career, suddenly her mum jumped into her room it was almost two hours we had been chatting, she asked that would I like to talk to her mother, I was shocked but cool enough to handle it. I had a small talk with her. Her mother was good and kind wasn’t harsh at all. She had a modern family. Usually girl’s moms are much concerned about the girl child as she is prone to get involved, but her mom was good and was concern but she trusted her.
Sonia took the phone and asked how she was to you, I said well enough.

Late at night I messaged her,

R: hey I miss u
S: miss u too

R: gdnte sd
S: same to u

The Cry Out

Ria was my elder sister, we used to have lots of fights, and never used to speak on unnecessary reason. Whenever we had any work with each other we used to talk. Well this time it wasn’t the work , here first time I wanted a advice from her, well when I said that I had a break up she was shocked and asked me did u even had a girlfriend? She knew that I wasn’t fooling her, she could see into my eyes that I was broke, she made a coffee for me and advised me as she was a girl and pretty much experienced in this stuff. She said that, “Every girl always listens to her family, as in family comes first”. I quietly listened to her and sipped the coffee slowly. I couldn’t sleep that day. It was almost morning and I asked my sister to do a favor telling her to take my cell for today because I never wanted to attend any calls for that day neither I wanted myself to call her or message her because I was getting too restless. Had a bath in the morning and went off to sleep for a while and then off to college in mum’s car she dropped me off. Going to class in a off mood made everyone noticed that I was sad for some reason. We had a morning assembly as it was a junior college, friends seeing at me teasing me saying her name and calling me bugged me more. After the assembly they came to me asking how my date went with Sonia. I was all silent till I reached the class I told them that it’s over, and they knew it was for real and am not faking. They tried to console me, all alone I was crying inside.



Hour and hour, Time by time passed, teacher and teacher, books by books changed, in every class I was unto a dream of getting lost into deep forest, on waves of oceans and seas, in the heat of changing sand dunes of desert, in freezing cold of ice bergs and glaciers, deep into the caves that ended in darkness, finding her.

Then at home my sister arrived and handed over my mobile unto my hands. “She had called” said my sister. I wasn’t interested in knowing what they spoke, she later said that she asked Sonia that was she just flirting or doing time-pass with you, or she has a boyfriend already, Sonia said no to every question. It didn’t make any difference in my behavior.
I couldn’t call her, my mind was too hurt it didn’t wanted to hear her voice.
Next day I had miss call from her I wonder that was the first miss call I had ever gotten from her, I called her back we had a small chat, while keep the phone she said, “Bye”. I waited a moment tears rolling through my eyes I said, “Bye”, and I cried remembering she shouting me to tell every time to tell how much I loved her while keeping the phone. I couldn’t bear, everything related to her was changing, She asked to be her friend and told that friendship is better than being in a relationship and it lasts forever, but I couldn’t do it was too hard for me.
Day by day the change was killing me from inside, I wanted to be happy again, I used to ignore calling her but she never used to stop miss calling me, at least in a week I used to get 4 to 5 miss calls of her and we used to talk as friends. I wanted to meet her and ask her that did she really wanted to leave me and why is she doing thing on her face and explain her that we could handle it well but she always refused me, and pleaded me not to come. I started getting doubts as any other person would get, I was possessive about her lot. I started concentrating on my studies, and went into deep thinking and distracted my mind from Sonia.

This one day I got a message on my phone from Sonia asking me a favor, I gladly replied I would love to do it, she replied saying –please could recharge my card and said it was urgent and her parents were outside and she didn’t had any money and said that she would repay me later. The moment I didn’t had any reaction yet on my face, another message comes –Airtel 100rs, I didn’t knew what to reply or even imagine that she would turn up like this, I said my dad’s at home and he won’t let me go out as I am having a practical’s tomorrow.

Then came February and then Valentine’s Day, I called her up and said that I wanted to meet her and I told her that I had bought her a gift. She refused to it too I knew the answer would be no, but then too I did one thing that day! She loved roses, I took a box and inserted the rose in it and sealed it tight, keeping and preserving it that one day I would surely give it to her.
Damn it was hard I thank my really good friend who never leaved me and handled me every time I get sad, it was music, happy songs made me happy sad songs did the opposite.
Sometimes I felt like dying like soul I carve her name on my hand, or should I stand along the street next to her house as they show in movies.
Remembering those moments with her just made me learn! How to breathe?

The Died Love

My Sonia was in 11th when I met her as a lover, saw her at Bandra for the first time, she was total sweet heart, she wasn't that mature as she looked, she was little kid dish, but she used to understand the reality of life, she still used to go in the imagination world where she still used to believe in magic, miracles, and hopes. She loved surprises, she used to stand up for herself, she was totally frank, if she didn't liked something she used to say right on the face, by her looks anyone would could had said that the girl is too bitchy or has an great attitude, but she was total friendly girl. She was small to think lots of things as in understanding feelings of other people when you say something directly without thinking a moment. Well at my look she was the perfect for me and I had no complaints her having an attitude and ego problems even if they existed. She is very optimistic, but she is not irrational. She will judge the entire situation as per the facts, analyze its probable outcome and still believe that things will get better. Usually, she is very calm and composed. However, when you become rude to her or offend her, she may become like the fire-spitting dragon. She attached to her family, but not too much. If you want to get something done from her, just ask her; don't order. She will never ever do it. On the other hand, she doesn't want a sissy for a boyfriend. He has to be a real man, who has his ego and won't stand for nonsense. So, you will be expected to balance politeness with firmness. I know it's difficult - but then, since when was winning someone easy. I looked deep inside her and found a woman who is so enthusiastic about life and who trusts easily. She is very sentimental and emotional, though it seems otherwise. It just that, where her feelings are concerned, she becomes too shy. She may pass the most sarcastic comments when she is angry, but she will forget the resentment soon enough. Then, she won't understand why the person was so upset.
She had a big brother almost 3 years elder to her and a one more elder cousin brother who lived side by side with his family he had completed his degree, was unemployed and sitting home jobless, her elder brother had a girlfriend, Sonia was too close to him almost everything she used to share with her real brother, they were like best buddies. He was happy when he heard about us and had no problem because he was as well in a relationship. But stressed out of life her elder cousin brother was somehow disturbed and wasn't agreeing to our relationship.


As I cried into tears, she said, “Roy please try to understand, I am not able to explain you, well I am very much sad about it as well, you are being a lot selfish, if it was a joke I would had never let you touch me and am not that kind of girl who uses guys for her own pleasure, I don't want to cry and make it worst, please don't cry, I would help to get over it, if you want I can ask one of my friends to see you and get along with you, I would find a lot better than me and I will make sure that it won’t end up like this, but please don't cry!, and please don't get depressed, it would affect on your studies and your boards are arriving so you should concentrate on it, it’s good for both of us, please try to forget whatever happened between us. Hope you understand me."
I kept down the phone, I couldn't control myself, I burst into tears, and the every negative thought of leaving her just pricked my heart as a needle. Sitting down alone in a window, my mum offered me to eat something, I said, I wasn't hungry and I ate outside though, I hadn't had nothing into my stomach since I left her at her home.
I was getting all stupid thought that she cheated on me and made me a dumb fool. Giving me a stupid reason for break up, well then I thought on what she said at end, somewhere in my heart I believed her blindly.
I couldn't sleep all night. My sister was studying in a low light; well I never discussed any stuff with my sister at all. But this time I did talk to her and just told her that ''I had a break up today!''

i miss you

The Speed

In the shadows of Coconut tree, I had my house at Vashi, Navi Mumbai. Roy is my name, I lived there from my birth, I have been going to the school Apeejay high school till 12th standard, I didn't had any girlfriends till 11th standard that didn't mean that I was a loser, I had gotten two three proposals which I refused, they just weren't my type. Well music was my passion as my dad was guitarist so I had it in my blood, I had one elder sister and my sweet mother which I loved the most, I hated my sister we had lots of fights between each other, dad used to say in brother sister relations, fights do get the love increased between them. Well I just had some usual crushes in those days which were impossible to get any further improvement, as I liked a senior once. I didn't got this stuff! A girl can date any male elder to her, but a boy never dates a gal elder to him. Apart from love I liked to make new friends and interact and exchange knowledge, I wasn't that smart in studies, I was average, but I had some great ideas hidden inside me.
I had planned my future as I was in 12th, I had to be concern about it, I had planned to be an engineer getting graduated in 4 years, getting a job, followed my dad’s guidance as he was an chemical engineer, he had many expectations, I had a lot respect for my dad, he had warned me I won’t get approval for marrying until I get a good job with a good income. I had some stupid friends every time we used to hang out in some cyber cafe playing D.O.T.A all day long. We weren't pushed into smoking thing, as we had an addiction of gaming.
My life was normal getting up late, Mum shouting to go school, early morning, me lying down at bed me, saying, '5 minutes more mum I won’t be late', then at school standing outside for being late, enjoying the air around school, in a play mood plotting girls, sketching some stupid cartoon while Algebra going on board, stealing lunch box, teasing one another, cracking jokes on the fat lady teacher, was just fun at school, after a long day coming up all stressed out at home mum giving up a good snack at noon, then having a small fight around the remote control with my sister, till then dad coming up at 8 o’clock, starts off with news and lecture all the way, At night getting bored doing home work while sending forwarded messages to every other friends. I had loved my life as it goes on normally. My life was special in some kind even being a normal one I knew I had something big in my future.

She was silent for 5 seconds, I said it again and asked her to answer my question, she answered, and ‘I am going to listen to my brother’! The very moment I kept the phone down. I felt as if my love had no value, I went towards the train door catch hold of the pole leaned my body and felt the breeze of the wind passing through my hair and ears, I got down to a station as I had to change the train to go to Vashi, waiting at Wadala station, ignoring all the calls I just saw B letter on the board thought it was Belapur and boarded the train stand ed at door, seeing the ground at a height, this time the feeling was different, I didn't had my girl beside me, the wind told me to fly with it and there won't be any sorrow around you, the body wasn't in control of my mind, it was instructed by my heart, telling me to fall off. The moment later I went inside and sat down waiting for the station to come, at one station the train halted a lot time. I wondered why? and looked outside and observed that it was Bandra instead of being Belapur, I figured out I boarded a wrong train as in B is for Bandra, the same train again went to Wadala, so went through it again all the way that got me long time to reach home. I reached home, received the call from Sonia, she sounded worried about me, shouted a lot for ignoring her like this, she tried to explain me a lot and told me to understand and take it easy. That was the first time I cried in front of a girl even it would had been a phone, she consoled me saying, I haven't break en up with you, I corrected it that time you choose your brother that time you made your choice. She didn't spoke up for that. Thinking that she had done a very big mistake! She asked me to use abusive words on her that calm me down, she didn't knew that I loved her a lot and wouldn't dare to tell anything like that to her. We both calmed down, I silently asked her did she loved me ever or this all was just a joke, making myself a fool getting into you, or you just wanted someone to make you feel better for awhile, were you ever real to me, did you even cared about me or my feelings?

The Offline Love

The day had passed, standing in cue in front of the ticket counter; I was going to my friend's place as I said my parents that I would be doing a night out at his place. I went towards the platform and got the train while on the train standing at the door, feeling up the cool breeze of that night seeing at the sky just felt as if I m flying into the black sky imagining her all the way with me standing write beside me, the fairness of her skin, the brown glossy silky hair, her small nose, when she smiled she had this beautiful dimples come out, she was skinny but not that skinny. By the time the station came up, it was just two stations far from here place. Caught a auto which reminded me about her sitting beside me, when I got close to her at the first time, asked her to give her hand into mine, the holding of her hand was the best part because she hold my hand very strongly like the hands were talking to mine saying where were you?, I missed you a lot, don't ever get apart from me, taking my other hand through her shoulders holding her tight and letting her feel secure, as there were lots of bumps, as u know roads of Mumbai. I then reached at my buddy's place, ate dinner and told him everything making him jealous and showed him our picture, he was happy to see each other. After awhile I got a call from her she asked 'have you reached safely at home', I said 'yes' and asked her that did she enjoyed today she said 'yes I loved it', then funnily she asked me to cut off my mustache, laughing I said 'no', I won’t be able to give a reason at home, and then I said that she looked very beautiful, I just complimented about every feature of her, about her cute dimples, about her silky hair, and her delicate hands, and told her that she is too lucky to have me as a lover, because I let her know that she was very much special to me and important and my love is not an ordinary one, its special I said, even you would had been ugly I would had accepted it, she stopped me and said even I m lucky to have her cause very less people exists in this world who are liked by her and I was the one of them, the only thing she didn't like was the mustache, I told her that would shave it off later, then I asked about the sudden hug in auto, she said that she wanted to thank me for accepting me as your lover, I said ' I love you' suddenly. Damn I was to touched by her talk, I said I missed her that very moment I asked her what she was doing tomorrow and said take out a little time for me, she said 'I would have my whole lifetime to waste on you', I said wow k then we are meeting tomorrow, and then after a while I had to keep the phone down as my friend got bored so had a little chat with him then went off to bed.
I got up early in the morning and gave a cute wake up call, saying that I would be coming in two hours, she said me in a low voice that she would be ready by then. She was glad that I was meeting her up again next day, I could guess her out by her sweet voice, it was Monday morning and the rush increased in the local trains, was exhausted traveling two stations. It was worth after I seen her walking from her house in a cute little denim skirt and colorful top, feeling scared she said to me why I am so close to her house what if someone saw me, I apologized and we left from there. I wasn't familiar from that place so I couldn't say where we should go I said why not go again on a beach she was fine with it, but I felt a little bad taken out at same place was so un cool. It wasn't same in the auto we sat but without holding hand didn't talked much, in few minutes we reached and started walking up by the beach, I asked did she wanted to sit, she replied 'no' and asked me 'could we just walk today', I replied 'as you wish', I felt awkward to say her honey or darling that would just make her an ordinary girl friend and I wanted her to feel a bit special. While walking by her side I noticed her hand was waiting to get a hold of me, then slightly slide my hand through her elbow to her delicate finger and catch hold of them. Feeling her hand kind of told me that she was a bit disturbed and wanted to tell me something, I uttered 'what’s the problem? Say to me', she smiled and said she wanted to tell me something but she won’t tell me now, she would tell her when I reach home. I was a bit scared I said all possible guess in my mind; she denied it all and said you come to know at that time only. Until then our hands got sweaty and they had to be apart for a little air. Walking by her side matching her steps I asked in the future what did she wanted to be, she answered 'a entrepreneur', she asked me I said 'I wasn't sure about it maybe engineering'. She didn't talked much today as she was a bit disturbed I then told her that we should leave I was getting late, she accepted and we leaved sitting into the auto, I asked her that 'did she loved me?', she was surprised by the question that, why I was asking her?, she said 'yes and she will always do!'. Her face was blank with no expression on it. She wasn't looking at me at all she looked very worried, we reached near her house. I was about to pay the auto driver, She stopped me and asked that take the same auto and leave to station I was bit astonished as she said it, it was like now I m leaving her and won’t see her for a day. I agreed to her decision because I understood as she was a bit worried lately.
I reached the station I had the ticket already so went directly towards the platform, boarding the train. I was standing beside the door, gave her call, told her that I can’t wait till I reach home tell me now, she disagreed but I forced to tell. She sighed and said, ''Look Roy last night I had a chat with my elder brother I told him about you I showed your picture to him and said everything about you what you did, where were you from, even told about your nature and said him how we met and we were in love, He wasn't angry about me but in the past once I did a mistake, one guy left me during my boards and I was broken at that time and my boards went bad, my results came up very dull, and my family knew about the guy, my brother advised me and said, As next year again I m having my boards and I have to concentrate on them, so he said as our relationship hasn't existed for a long time so it would be easy to carry on, so he asked me to break up with you!'', I was all silent till she finished, I just asked her,’ Whom you going to listen to, Yourself or Your Brother?'.

love story (offline love)

It was cold winter lately in Mumbai December ’08. Me (the guy named Roy). I was in 12th standard, was just getting ready for my boards, my preliminary exams had just finished. Was planning to party on 31st as it was a new years, got a little bored by the pressure of exams and stuff. Lately I was introduced to orkut in June of that year, had enough friends, was stupid to look out new profiles: P. I got attracted to one of the profiles; it was just like a pink heart 'end princess named Sonia. Send 'end a request got accepted in another day. Had a little chat with her on yahoo then she gave’d her no. Saying that she never done this before so after awhile she was impressed by my talk and so we exchange nos, we weren't totally strangers we had long distant mutual friend, we were friends so on, I hadn't seen her as her profile picture was some actress's picture so never had a chance to see her in person though, well I wasn't that serious about it at that moment.
New Year arrived as my luck became good. '09 was full of surprises. We talked a lot to each other and we liked each other. I m mentioning it again, that still we never did see each other.
Then on 8th of first month had a long chat with her from 5pm to 1am,it was late I was all out of balance, I didn't liked she calling up from her father's cell this late, so I said goodnight and sweet dreams, we knew, we liked each other and couldn't stop talking for a minute . She then sended an sms saying goodnight, after a minute I get a call from her, asking up reply as I never had balance, I knew she wanted to tell me that she loved me a lot. I don't know where it came into her she became a little courageous. After fifteen minutes I got another sms saying ''I loved you a lot I can't live without you and I promise you that I would never let you go'' within a fraction of second, I jumped off my bed, I got a call from her saying, 'that read your sms to me :)' I was sure that however she does looks, wherever she lives, whatever she had done till now, it won’t matter a bit to me or change me a bit how am I now, I was happy after a long time my face had got a great smile over it, heart was off the hook flying into the black sky, glowed at night, (Oh k back to phone) there was chance to say no and refuse to her!. Well I read aloud all the words exactly as it was in the message and added, 'I was going to tell her in the morning that I loved her' filling up my balance but she did it much earlier. I don't know but I loved the way she expressed it to me. Then we talked, again after a while she uttered to me that ''What if u leave me some day in near future and after a 2 years you get the news that I have committed a suicide then what you would do '', I stayed quiet for a while and shouted her saying that I already said that I would never leave her alone and I warned her not even think about getting apart. She started crying that very moment then I had to console her to be happy and the night ended with happiness. Got up in the morning all keeping it real and I went off to college blabbering everyone that I got a girlfriend making them jealous though many of them had one.
Was the first night I had a thought about a girl who loves me a lot, I could not stop thinking of her. Talking to her just made my heart melt. I remember we were about to keep the phones down I said 'bye would talk to you later' and she was like' say it!' I said 'what', 'say that you love me and then keep the phone', I got a feeling to be loved by someone who would die to hear it forever and always and reminding me was just fun, I always used to do that, so she would get angry and shout at me asking me to tell her that how much I loved her. I don't know where it came from but I started collecting recharge coupons whenever I used to recharge my cell phone, I thought one day I would think about some creative thing and gift her.
Love was good and I loved her any way, as you like a any bike you always see it, love it, take out a picture of it, stick it in to your room, see it every day, that's how I got eager to see her, I wanted a face, a body, eyes that stares at me all the time, a smile from which I would just fall of any cliff, the scent that I would be reminded even I get deaf and blind I would sense her by her scent, brush of her hairs that would make me sleep anywhere, the look on her face that I would get every time I say her that, how much I loved her and would never let her go.
Called her, uttered about meeting, told her that I need a face need a body which I would imagine and think about her, told her while sleeping I get a dream about her but I m unable to see you, I always find you in dense forest, dense fog I can hear you, but that's not enough, then as we had our profile, we could had uploaded our picture and shown each other our pictures, but we did not wanted ourselves to judge by a stupid picture on through the net, so we made pact that we won’t exchanges photos and we would see directly face on face. Well she was a year younger than me, I had my boards, so as asked about meeting someday early, she told that we would meet after my boards, I was a bit sad as she told, but I understood she was worried that I won’t concentrate on my studies, and would get disappointed by the result and she never wanted to be the reason.
As the days passed, the desperation increased. After some days I got up in the morning and had call by 10 we just talked for awhile she asked me to come to her place and meet her, with no doubt or questioning. I said 'I coming right away, wait for me', she asked if I would have a lunch at her place I was pleased that she could cook at her age. I made some stupid reason to my family that me and my friends are studying together at a friend’s house practicing math. Caught a local train, she guided me all the way on phone, talking to me every second and not believing that I m seriously coming up to meet her. Finally I reached near her place, she told me to wait outside as she, by her own escorts me to her home, well I was standing on road expecting her ,I remembered she telling me that, she looked very good and even said that 'in her class there wasn't a one guy who didn't proposed her' I trusted her a lot, well I sawed a girl from far couldn't see the face, she had wore a top and a skirt, I don't know why but thought like she was trying me to impress me and I was surprised as she came near and nearer, we said 'hi' then started walking and my mouth was open saying the word in my mind 'wow' while walking with her, in her neighborhood the people not staring at her but me, thinking how the fuck this guy got a this girl when he was never seen around. We reached home, she offered me glass of water and we chat for a bit and then she asked where did I wanted to go I said we will go on a beach as it was around 4pm we would get a sunset over there, she said OK and asked for minute to change, then while she was busy I remembered a thing that she asked me to propose formally face on face. When she came out, I asked her to stand for awhile then hold 'd her hand and knelled down on her and said that 'I loved her a lot' and asked that 'would you take care of me always and love me forever and always.' she was all flattered and was out of the words, and silently said yes. I was never prepared for doing anything till now it was just sudden decision to go out. Well the beach wasn't near so we had to take and auto. Sat so close to her that even more two people could had adjust in that auto, I hold her hand in mine and wonderfully spaces between my finger her hand fit perfectly, with a black nail polish on her nail, wearing a black top and had a spectacles, her hair were the best feature I had never seen that good hair in my lifetime, she couldn't talk much I don't know she was a bit shy but she was a lot happy to see me, she showed me how she saved all the good messages which I made out of myself, then we got down at a beach I never had came to a beach with a girl ever earlier, this was my first time so I never knew what exactly the couples do at beach :P, she guided me again as you know girls guide each other with their BFF and has every info well she taken me to a place and we sat on the rocks. My hand went to her waist letting her head lie on my shoulder feeling secured and loving, we went into silence for awhile then had a little laughing times shared a bit of things which we couldn't share on phone, there was a bit of disturbance by the eunuch people (chakkas) had to give them some money to get rid of them, then we cracked a bit jokes, then clicked a photo, then we went into silence she pushed herself into my arms resting her head on my chest, I was feeling like getting in to the seventh cloud seeing the sun setting down onto horizon, that was the happiest moment of my life, I wished to be like that forever and always, I ordered the world to stand still forever in my mind. Suddenly we heard a sound someone calling up her name Sonia from far back, she got shocked suddenly, turned back we saw a girl going, we had misunderstanding and I was like 'what the f?' she asked we should leave now, I agreed, taken a auto, sat close to her again she pointed out her school, then after a while, she hugged me suddenly don't know why she did it but she wanted to thank me from her heart and said that she loved me a lot. Then after awhile she looked into my eyes and then I kissed her, the very much moment was the greatest moment of my life. She had a droplet rolling through her eyes I wiped it off and said I would always love her. I dropped her off at home she again invited me inside, told me what to say if anyone asks how was I related to her, then met her father, had a little chat and then met her mother but was in hurry so didn't had a opportunity to talk to her. After a while I left her house.
I was damn happy giving up call to each other and every close friend and saying how beautiful see looked and acted. I loved her a lot and enjoyed that day a lot. That was the day of my offline love I got a vision of my love; I got the eyes of my love, which all stepped back, to love her all my life.

There ain't a god !

As a ant needs to survive on grass, grasshopper on ants lizards on grasshopper, chickens on lizards i guess :P, humans are the only one can survive on any living thing. I am not against god or either against in believers of god. By the source of the book 'The secret' if you try and apply it what they say you would know that there is only one thing called energy in this wide universe and whatever we wish comes true and the power to make it true lies within you. God is just a word used to make it feel better that there is someone to take care someone who is seeing upon us someone is worried about us and someone is making our wishes come true.
I always asked many people who always guided me to move on to path which god guided them in to the books of lords, great teachers of humanity, the spiritual gods, that have they ever seen a god by there own eyes, from this i don't mean that its all false. I say what you believe is main aspect in every way of your life. You are to decide what you have to do in your life not some old book written on some man who doesn't exist right now.
They say god lives within you you don't need any photos or a sculpture to pray, that's where i point if you want something ask it to no other but you.As ant has to die being someone's meal that is how someday we have to die just not being someone's meals thanking that we have a bit smarter brains to avoid that, sometimes it comes early or comes late, as ants are always prepared we also should be prepared. Prepare to face our life, crossing all obstacles coming between.