The Cry Out

Ria was my elder sister, we used to have lots of fights, and never used to speak on unnecessary reason. Whenever we had any work with each other we used to talk. Well this time it wasn’t the work , here first time I wanted a advice from her, well when I said that I had a break up she was shocked and asked me did u even had a girlfriend? She knew that I wasn’t fooling her, she could see into my eyes that I was broke, she made a coffee for me and advised me as she was a girl and pretty much experienced in this stuff. She said that, “Every girl always listens to her family, as in family comes first”. I quietly listened to her and sipped the coffee slowly. I couldn’t sleep that day. It was almost morning and I asked my sister to do a favor telling her to take my cell for today because I never wanted to attend any calls for that day neither I wanted myself to call her or message her because I was getting too restless. Had a bath in the morning and went off to sleep for a while and then off to college in mum’s car she dropped me off. Going to class in a off mood made everyone noticed that I was sad for some reason. We had a morning assembly as it was a junior college, friends seeing at me teasing me saying her name and calling me bugged me more. After the assembly they came to me asking how my date went with Sonia. I was all silent till I reached the class I told them that it’s over, and they knew it was for real and am not faking. They tried to console me, all alone I was crying inside.



Hour and hour, Time by time passed, teacher and teacher, books by books changed, in every class I was unto a dream of getting lost into deep forest, on waves of oceans and seas, in the heat of changing sand dunes of desert, in freezing cold of ice bergs and glaciers, deep into the caves that ended in darkness, finding her.

Then at home my sister arrived and handed over my mobile unto my hands. “She had called” said my sister. I wasn’t interested in knowing what they spoke, she later said that she asked Sonia that was she just flirting or doing time-pass with you, or she has a boyfriend already, Sonia said no to every question. It didn’t make any difference in my behavior.
I couldn’t call her, my mind was too hurt it didn’t wanted to hear her voice.
Next day I had miss call from her I wonder that was the first miss call I had ever gotten from her, I called her back we had a small chat, while keep the phone she said, “Bye”. I waited a moment tears rolling through my eyes I said, “Bye”, and I cried remembering she shouting me to tell every time to tell how much I loved her while keeping the phone. I couldn’t bear, everything related to her was changing, She asked to be her friend and told that friendship is better than being in a relationship and it lasts forever, but I couldn’t do it was too hard for me.
Day by day the change was killing me from inside, I wanted to be happy again, I used to ignore calling her but she never used to stop miss calling me, at least in a week I used to get 4 to 5 miss calls of her and we used to talk as friends. I wanted to meet her and ask her that did she really wanted to leave me and why is she doing thing on her face and explain her that we could handle it well but she always refused me, and pleaded me not to come. I started getting doubts as any other person would get, I was possessive about her lot. I started concentrating on my studies, and went into deep thinking and distracted my mind from Sonia.

This one day I got a message on my phone from Sonia asking me a favor, I gladly replied I would love to do it, she replied saying –please could recharge my card and said it was urgent and her parents were outside and she didn’t had any money and said that she would repay me later. The moment I didn’t had any reaction yet on my face, another message comes –Airtel 100rs, I didn’t knew what to reply or even imagine that she would turn up like this, I said my dad’s at home and he won’t let me go out as I am having a practical’s tomorrow.

Then came February and then Valentine’s Day, I called her up and said that I wanted to meet her and I told her that I had bought her a gift. She refused to it too I knew the answer would be no, but then too I did one thing that day! She loved roses, I took a box and inserted the rose in it and sealed it tight, keeping and preserving it that one day I would surely give it to her.
Damn it was hard I thank my really good friend who never leaved me and handled me every time I get sad, it was music, happy songs made me happy sad songs did the opposite.
Sometimes I felt like dying like soul I carve her name on my hand, or should I stand along the street next to her house as they show in movies.
Remembering those moments with her just made me learn! How to breathe?

The Died Love

My Sonia was in 11th when I met her as a lover, saw her at Bandra for the first time, she was total sweet heart, she wasn't that mature as she looked, she was little kid dish, but she used to understand the reality of life, she still used to go in the imagination world where she still used to believe in magic, miracles, and hopes. She loved surprises, she used to stand up for herself, she was totally frank, if she didn't liked something she used to say right on the face, by her looks anyone would could had said that the girl is too bitchy or has an great attitude, but she was total friendly girl. She was small to think lots of things as in understanding feelings of other people when you say something directly without thinking a moment. Well at my look she was the perfect for me and I had no complaints her having an attitude and ego problems even if they existed. She is very optimistic, but she is not irrational. She will judge the entire situation as per the facts, analyze its probable outcome and still believe that things will get better. Usually, she is very calm and composed. However, when you become rude to her or offend her, she may become like the fire-spitting dragon. She attached to her family, but not too much. If you want to get something done from her, just ask her; don't order. She will never ever do it. On the other hand, she doesn't want a sissy for a boyfriend. He has to be a real man, who has his ego and won't stand for nonsense. So, you will be expected to balance politeness with firmness. I know it's difficult - but then, since when was winning someone easy. I looked deep inside her and found a woman who is so enthusiastic about life and who trusts easily. She is very sentimental and emotional, though it seems otherwise. It just that, where her feelings are concerned, she becomes too shy. She may pass the most sarcastic comments when she is angry, but she will forget the resentment soon enough. Then, she won't understand why the person was so upset.
She had a big brother almost 3 years elder to her and a one more elder cousin brother who lived side by side with his family he had completed his degree, was unemployed and sitting home jobless, her elder brother had a girlfriend, Sonia was too close to him almost everything she used to share with her real brother, they were like best buddies. He was happy when he heard about us and had no problem because he was as well in a relationship. But stressed out of life her elder cousin brother was somehow disturbed and wasn't agreeing to our relationship.


As I cried into tears, she said, “Roy please try to understand, I am not able to explain you, well I am very much sad about it as well, you are being a lot selfish, if it was a joke I would had never let you touch me and am not that kind of girl who uses guys for her own pleasure, I don't want to cry and make it worst, please don't cry, I would help to get over it, if you want I can ask one of my friends to see you and get along with you, I would find a lot better than me and I will make sure that it won’t end up like this, but please don't cry!, and please don't get depressed, it would affect on your studies and your boards are arriving so you should concentrate on it, it’s good for both of us, please try to forget whatever happened between us. Hope you understand me."
I kept down the phone, I couldn't control myself, I burst into tears, and the every negative thought of leaving her just pricked my heart as a needle. Sitting down alone in a window, my mum offered me to eat something, I said, I wasn't hungry and I ate outside though, I hadn't had nothing into my stomach since I left her at her home.
I was getting all stupid thought that she cheated on me and made me a dumb fool. Giving me a stupid reason for break up, well then I thought on what she said at end, somewhere in my heart I believed her blindly.
I couldn't sleep all night. My sister was studying in a low light; well I never discussed any stuff with my sister at all. But this time I did talk to her and just told her that ''I had a break up today!''

i miss you

The Speed

In the shadows of Coconut tree, I had my house at Vashi, Navi Mumbai. Roy is my name, I lived there from my birth, I have been going to the school Apeejay high school till 12th standard, I didn't had any girlfriends till 11th standard that didn't mean that I was a loser, I had gotten two three proposals which I refused, they just weren't my type. Well music was my passion as my dad was guitarist so I had it in my blood, I had one elder sister and my sweet mother which I loved the most, I hated my sister we had lots of fights between each other, dad used to say in brother sister relations, fights do get the love increased between them. Well I just had some usual crushes in those days which were impossible to get any further improvement, as I liked a senior once. I didn't got this stuff! A girl can date any male elder to her, but a boy never dates a gal elder to him. Apart from love I liked to make new friends and interact and exchange knowledge, I wasn't that smart in studies, I was average, but I had some great ideas hidden inside me.
I had planned my future as I was in 12th, I had to be concern about it, I had planned to be an engineer getting graduated in 4 years, getting a job, followed my dad’s guidance as he was an chemical engineer, he had many expectations, I had a lot respect for my dad, he had warned me I won’t get approval for marrying until I get a good job with a good income. I had some stupid friends every time we used to hang out in some cyber cafe playing D.O.T.A all day long. We weren't pushed into smoking thing, as we had an addiction of gaming.
My life was normal getting up late, Mum shouting to go school, early morning, me lying down at bed me, saying, '5 minutes more mum I won’t be late', then at school standing outside for being late, enjoying the air around school, in a play mood plotting girls, sketching some stupid cartoon while Algebra going on board, stealing lunch box, teasing one another, cracking jokes on the fat lady teacher, was just fun at school, after a long day coming up all stressed out at home mum giving up a good snack at noon, then having a small fight around the remote control with my sister, till then dad coming up at 8 o’clock, starts off with news and lecture all the way, At night getting bored doing home work while sending forwarded messages to every other friends. I had loved my life as it goes on normally. My life was special in some kind even being a normal one I knew I had something big in my future.

She was silent for 5 seconds, I said it again and asked her to answer my question, she answered, and ‘I am going to listen to my brother’! The very moment I kept the phone down. I felt as if my love had no value, I went towards the train door catch hold of the pole leaned my body and felt the breeze of the wind passing through my hair and ears, I got down to a station as I had to change the train to go to Vashi, waiting at Wadala station, ignoring all the calls I just saw B letter on the board thought it was Belapur and boarded the train stand ed at door, seeing the ground at a height, this time the feeling was different, I didn't had my girl beside me, the wind told me to fly with it and there won't be any sorrow around you, the body wasn't in control of my mind, it was instructed by my heart, telling me to fall off. The moment later I went inside and sat down waiting for the station to come, at one station the train halted a lot time. I wondered why? and looked outside and observed that it was Bandra instead of being Belapur, I figured out I boarded a wrong train as in B is for Bandra, the same train again went to Wadala, so went through it again all the way that got me long time to reach home. I reached home, received the call from Sonia, she sounded worried about me, shouted a lot for ignoring her like this, she tried to explain me a lot and told me to understand and take it easy. That was the first time I cried in front of a girl even it would had been a phone, she consoled me saying, I haven't break en up with you, I corrected it that time you choose your brother that time you made your choice. She didn't spoke up for that. Thinking that she had done a very big mistake! She asked me to use abusive words on her that calm me down, she didn't knew that I loved her a lot and wouldn't dare to tell anything like that to her. We both calmed down, I silently asked her did she loved me ever or this all was just a joke, making myself a fool getting into you, or you just wanted someone to make you feel better for awhile, were you ever real to me, did you even cared about me or my feelings?